Two Sided Coin

 

My mother, my sister, and I meet weekly now as a prayer group- thanks to virtual meetings. 

 We began meeting for Advent 2020 after a year of high stress.  We have not stopped yet.  We are now beginning Lent and are doing a deep, yet whimsical study on the biblical aspects of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis.  I love that story- but the study on Abiding Together's Podcast takes it to another level.

Last night was Ash Wednesday.

  It is beautiful when the relationship between mothers and daughters becomes a spiritual sisterhood.  That is happening to us.  

My mom-  my spiritual sister

So this past week we talked about the restoration of confession.  The "why" and the "undercarriage" of Reconciliation.  Father Josh Johnson led a meditation and discussion that was so beautiful.  Listen to the whole podcast here or jump to 20:36 for the meditation.  It is a great start for the beginning of Lent.

This podcast led us to another concept.  My mother said that usually, our strongest and best traits can also have the strongest tendency for sin.  This statement sat in the air for a bit and we all pondered it.  

I could see a coin with a shiny side and a filthy side.   

I asked my sister to think of her best trait.  What is the shiniest part of "YOU" that you know is your best strength?  (I felt the shaking feeling I get when prompted by the Holy Spirit as I asked this question).  She knew (and we knew) exactly what her shiny side was right away.  Now, tell me what is the opposite of that?  The flip side of that coin?  Think about that for yourself.  Self-reflection can lead to holiness when we invite God into that space.

The vulnerability became obvious and we realized that you better be around people who love you and whom you trust, when you do this. Confession is this way, too.  In order to receive restoration in this sacrament, we must pray.  I recommend that as a part of your process to look at the dirty side of the coin before heading to confession.  Pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you. The time we take before confession is very important.  Ask for God to help you as you prepare. 

We listened to Teri as she processed this and came up with the flip side of her "Penny".  She was spot on when she got there and we confirmed it.  Then it was my turn.  I tried to think of something that has been around all my life- not just now in my 50's.  When I said it- they both confirmed it. Somehow we all just knew to be quiet throughout the processing part and when the shiny side of the coin was stated-- Yes, that is it!  Then I went to the flip side.  Ouch- that stupid thing that gets in my way all the time.  The hard part of this was how much I have changed over time and yet still have the same tendencies.  I recall in my young adult life not wanting to go to confession if I was just going to do it again.  I heard Sr. Miriam suggest that this is meant to be "SIN MANAGEMENT".  Isn't that an interesting idea?  It helps to understand why to continue to go for restoration even when we keep doing the same stupid thing.  

I had to go underneath some behaviors and look at why I may act or react in a particular way.  I used to be very shy in junior and senior high school.  I would actually run the other way when given attention because I just couldn't handle it.  I recall running all the way home from City Hall one day in my junior year of high school because a very cute boy wanted to kiss me.  Me?!!!  RUNNNNNNNN   

My fifties have transformed much of me. My image became really important to me as a young adult. It was like a status symbol that somehow made me belong and feel confident.  But, my image took a turn in the last 7 years.  I still like to be noticed and given credit for things I care about, but now it is more internal.  But, there is something underneath all of this that leads me toward my tendency for sin (edging god out).  It comes from the root of the same problem with attention and self-absorption.  Wow, am I making my confession on a public platform this year?  What is happening to me and my image?  

The last mansion in the Interior Castle speaks of how little one should think about honors for if the soul is with Him it very seldom thinks of itself (p 228).  Spiritual marriage (a new concept for me) requires that others become more important.  As God grows more and more within us, we let go of self-involvement.  Oh, Lordie!! This is the opposite of attention-seeking and image building.  Keeping my eyes on the eyes of Christ (rather than my own reflection) will allow the graces God wishes to bestow.

 

It was one of those exercises that you wanted to do, and then you didn't because of the vulnerability.  Being vulnerable with God (and in our case with each other) is where the Holy Spirit does her work.  

God sees all of it- the shiny and the dirty.  He just holds us.  

The Parable of the Lost Coin        

8 “Or what woman, having ten silver coins,[a] if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and seek diligently until she finds it? 9 And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin which I had lost.’ 10 Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

The final word is one I heard from Father Josh Johnson- think about what proceeded your sin.  What came just before the sin?  Focus on that as you ponder confession.  It is the face of God we want to see- the eyes of Christ that we need to provide the strength and grace to move ahead and accept RESTORATION.

Jesus' words... I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Here are some coins suggestions

pride/vulnerability    

attention/sharing gifts     

know it all/the gift of knowledge

shame/life of the party-charismatic    

judgemental/compassionate   

Can you think of any more coins?

Meditation for the Grieving

Prayer with Clare of Assissi for the Grieving

I am walking with two saints right now.  Clare and Teresa.  

I have been reading and praying with them for about two months.  As I read these books together, I invite these women to pray with me and teach me.  They are my new friends.  I am going to pull what I learned today from Clare's "Meditation 12".  But first I would like to introduce you to her (in case you do not know her).  You are welcome into our friend group.  I see this as a group of girls that become great companions, but then, I do not want to leave the boys out.  So, if you are led to join this spiritual friend group- please make yourself comfortable and settle in.

Meditation 12

Meditation 12 is on Separation and Loss.  Most of us have experienced some type of separation and many of us have grieved a loss of a dear one. 

Clare suffered many separations.

• she left a noble status (her own choice)
• she was separated from her dear sister whom she adored
• St. Francis was a very close friend and he died many years before she did

Clare realized that she had to use all of her resources to know God better- even grief.  She was a person who broke new ground for women.  What was always expected for her by culture or the church would be changed forever.  The world was shifting as the medieval bend in the road appeared as the 1200s came into view.  Clare had 5 popes during her lifetime.  The gap between the noble and the poor created a new middle class.  Politics were causing dangerous situations throughout the world, and also in the Church. 

Saint Francis received a message to repair God's Church and was led to meet with Clare.  She had a reputation for holiness.  She eventually escaped her noble family and joined St. Francis' brothers with a small group of women who followed her.  They became known as "The Poor Ladies".

There is so much more to explore about Clare, but for this conversation, we will focus on her help with Grieving.  Please join me in prayer by click on Guided Prayer and Meditation (15 min.)

"May you go forward securely, joyfully, and swiftly, on the path of prudent happiness, not believing anything that would dissuade you for this resolution or that would place a stumbling block for you on the way, so that you may offer your vows to the Most High in the pursuit of that perfection to which the Spirit of the Lord has called you."

- Second Letter to Agnes of Prague 13-14 (2LAg 13-14)

(Agnes is Clare's sister)

Cast out your Net

This is a meditation I used with my LEMI friends on a special weekend

Meditation: Cast out your Net 

333

    Have you ever seen a number over and over?  I mean like on license plates, receipts, clocks, emails and social media, and more?  

I do.  I have been noticing "333" showing up almost every day.  At first, this seemed like a coincidence.  I would wake up over and over again and look at the time- it was usually 3:33.  So, at the time I thought I had a sleep problem- and learned that I did.  I had a sleep study done and realized that I was not getting enough oxygen at night.  At times, I stopped breathing.  So this seeing 333 in the middle of the night was explained... or was it?

About 2 years ago I began seeing it throughout the day.  I would pull up to a gas station and see the numbers 333 at the pump, or on a license plate, or on a clock.  One day I looked at my email- 333 emails were in my inbox.  Another day it just happened that I saw 3:33 on my phone or car clock (this happens all the time now).  I began taking pics because it was so often.  I would send them to my family as they occurred.  One day, my son sent me a youtube clip that described what the angel number meant for 333.  I was at a stoplight when I watched this video.  I looked up and there it was on the license plate in front of me.  This is no longer just a coincidence for me.  It is an expectation and comfort that my angels are winking at me.  I see it as divine and believe that somehow I am awake to notice my divine Holy Spirit letting me see that I am never alone and that I am protected.

My mother still warns me about spiritual things not rooted in scripture.  This warning is something I take seriously.  However, I am filled with peace, love, and harmony when I see this number.  It seems to bring me closer to my realization of the Divine God that I call the Holy Spirit.  This is the same divine god known as Jesus and the Father Almighty.  The same god of the Israel people.  Divinity is so expanse that my little mind only can see some of it.  I trust that my God is with me and protects me from happenings that I do not understand.  I also believe that my God is many others God even if we have various names.  I see us united in this peace, love, and harmony.  

I believe in mysticism.  I know that many have experienced God in mystical ways and have brought others closer to God as they shared these experiences.  My family has had people who have had gifts of dreams, healings, prophecy, and likely many other things that are not shared.  I have had many dreams that I believe were/are gifts to help me or others with 

our journeys.  I have had visions while in prayer that seemed like a dream- yet I was awake.  I have called friends/family about things I felt deeply in my heart and they have come to be.  It freaks my husband out at times.  It gives me peace as I feel like God is working through and in me.  I want to be used by God as needed.  I must admit that when this occurs I am amazed like a spectator watching it.  It does not feel like I had anything to do with it other than share it with others.

Seeing 333 seems like a comfort now- like God is winking at me 😉 and that I am always in the presence of more than myself.  I am on the right path and walking towards truth and my purpose. 

 I have been allowing God's Holy Spirit to dwell within and direct me and I am walking in the right direction.  I don't always know what I am to do, or where I am to go.  But, I know for sure I am to continue to pray for God's will and the strength to follow that will.  I have a nagging sense that I should be doing more- but I am not sure if that is coming from within me (ego) or beyond me.  I lift this sense up to my Father and ask for the Holy Spirit to nugde and inspire me for whatever that is.

I looked up 333 on YouTube and found a lot.  Some of the things I heard rang true- like that there is much growth.  I am aware of this in the past few years.  My intuition, creativity, and passion for being authentically used by God to spread his love are on fire.  This all came up in my research.  And so, I pray that the Holy Spirit continues to whisper and nudge me to whatever is needed.  Keep me awake.