Two Sided Coin

 

My mother, my sister, and I meet weekly now as a prayer group- thanks to virtual meetings. 

 We began meeting for Advent 2020 after a year of high stress.  We have not stopped yet.  We are now beginning Lent and are doing a deep, yet whimsical study on the biblical aspects of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis.  I love that story- but the study on Abiding Together's Podcast takes it to another level.

Last night was Ash Wednesday.

  It is beautiful when the relationship between mothers and daughters becomes a spiritual sisterhood.  That is happening to us.  

My mom-  my spiritual sister

So this past week we talked about the restoration of confession.  The "why" and the "undercarriage" of Reconciliation.  Father Josh Johnson led a meditation and discussion that was so beautiful.  Listen to the whole podcast here or jump to 20:36 for the meditation.  It is a great start for the beginning of Lent.

This podcast led us to another concept.  My mother said that usually, our strongest and best traits can also have the strongest tendency for sin.  This statement sat in the air for a bit and we all pondered it.  

I could see a coin with a shiny side and a filthy side.   

I asked my sister to think of her best trait.  What is the shiniest part of "YOU" that you know is your best strength?  (I felt the shaking feeling I get when prompted by the Holy Spirit as I asked this question).  She knew (and we knew) exactly what her shiny side was right away.  Now, tell me what is the opposite of that?  The flip side of that coin?  Think about that for yourself.  Self-reflection can lead to holiness when we invite God into that space.

The vulnerability became obvious and we realized that you better be around people who love you and whom you trust, when you do this. Confession is this way, too.  In order to receive restoration in this sacrament, we must pray.  I recommend that as a part of your process to look at the dirty side of the coin before heading to confession.  Pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you. The time we take before confession is very important.  Ask for God to help you as you prepare. 

We listened to Teri as she processed this and came up with the flip side of her "Penny".  She was spot on when she got there and we confirmed it.  Then it was my turn.  I tried to think of something that has been around all my life- not just now in my 50's.  When I said it- they both confirmed it. Somehow we all just knew to be quiet throughout the processing part and when the shiny side of the coin was stated-- Yes, that is it!  Then I went to the flip side.  Ouch- that stupid thing that gets in my way all the time.  The hard part of this was how much I have changed over time and yet still have the same tendencies.  I recall in my young adult life not wanting to go to confession if I was just going to do it again.  I heard Sr. Miriam suggest that this is meant to be "SIN MANAGEMENT".  Isn't that an interesting idea?  It helps to understand why to continue to go for restoration even when we keep doing the same stupid thing.  

I had to go underneath some behaviors and look at why I may act or react in a particular way.  I used to be very shy in junior and senior high school.  I would actually run the other way when given attention because I just couldn't handle it.  I recall running all the way home from City Hall one day in my junior year of high school because a very cute boy wanted to kiss me.  Me?!!!  RUNNNNNNNN   

My fifties have transformed much of me. My image became really important to me as a young adult. It was like a status symbol that somehow made me belong and feel confident.  But, my image took a turn in the last 7 years.  I still like to be noticed and given credit for things I care about, but now it is more internal.  But, there is something underneath all of this that leads me toward my tendency for sin (edging god out).  It comes from the root of the same problem with attention and self-absorption.  Wow, am I making my confession on a public platform this year?  What is happening to me and my image?  

The last mansion in the Interior Castle speaks of how little one should think about honors for if the soul is with Him it very seldom thinks of itself (p 228).  Spiritual marriage (a new concept for me) requires that others become more important.  As God grows more and more within us, we let go of self-involvement.  Oh, Lordie!! This is the opposite of attention-seeking and image building.  Keeping my eyes on the eyes of Christ (rather than my own reflection) will allow the graces God wishes to bestow.

 

It was one of those exercises that you wanted to do, and then you didn't because of the vulnerability.  Being vulnerable with God (and in our case with each other) is where the Holy Spirit does her work.  

God sees all of it- the shiny and the dirty.  He just holds us.  

The Parable of the Lost Coin        

8 “Or what woman, having ten silver coins,[a] if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and seek diligently until she finds it? 9 And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin which I had lost.’ 10 Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

The final word is one I heard from Father Josh Johnson- think about what proceeded your sin.  What came just before the sin?  Focus on that as you ponder confession.  It is the face of God we want to see- the eyes of Christ that we need to provide the strength and grace to move ahead and accept RESTORATION.

Jesus' words... I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Here are some coins suggestions

pride/vulnerability    

attention/sharing gifts     

know it all/the gift of knowledge

shame/life of the party-charismatic    

judgemental/compassionate   

Can you think of any more coins?